I'll Never Tell
by eksley05
Summary: Stan doesn't tell anybody how he feels about Kyle. Kyle doesn't tell anybody how he feels about Stan. But somebody else knows their secrets.


**A/N: I PROMISE I'M ALMOST DONE THE NEXT CHAPTER OF WORLDS APART.  
But this, I was working on this along with Thursday, which is why the style looks so similar, they were supposed to be connected - and there's another mini-story that was supposed to go along with them I'm almost done - but I decided they were better separate, so here you go.  
I don't claim that they're anything more than 'all right', but anything I write, I put up. It's my own personal rule. Reviews are love, seriously.  
-standard self-promotion here - read: read&reviewmystoriesplz-**

* * *

Stan doesn't tell anybody how he feels about Kyle. As of his history class Monday afternoon, spent sitting at his desk with a notebook and a pen, barely listening to anything being taught, he has a whole list of reasons why.

First of all, Kyle is straight. And not just 'kind-of' straight either, like Kenny, who will hop from guy to girl and back to guy without even blinking. No, Stan knows that Kyle is definitely, one hundred percent, without any doubt _not _into guys. The double dates with him and Wendy, and Kyle and Bebe have proven this fact on more than just one or two occasions. And although the redhead and the blonde are not officially dating, the way Stan and Wendy are, his Super Best Friend has made it clear that his appreciation for the female form goes _way _beyond casual.

Secondly, Wendy. Stan always feels instant guilt whenever he thinks about his girlfriend. She's been so worried about him lately, always asking him what's wrong and if she can do anything to make it better. Some part of Stan knows he should just come clean; after all, he's known Wendy since they were four years old, he owes it to her to be honest. And it's _Wendy_ for Christ's sake, he knows her well enough to know that he could confide in her without there being any really harsh consequences; she wouldn't freak out and cry and make him feel awful the way some girls would. Wendy would actually probably be proud of him for having the guts to admit how he really feels. But it's a very small part of him that tries to tell him these things, and he ignores it easily, choosing instead to suffer in silence.

His third reason is, not surprisingly, Eric Cartman. Stan doesn't normally give a fuck what Cartman thinks, as a rule, but this time he does. And it isn't just himself he's worried about either. He cares about Kyle, and he doesn't want to give Cartman any more reason to rip on him. Even though Kyle very obviously does not feel anything more than Super Best Friend-ship for Stan, the black-haired boy knows that that wouldn't matter to the fatass. Cartman would just see it as more ammunition, and Stan wouldn't unleash that bastard on anybody, not intentionally.

After Cartman, his reasons start becoming more haphazard and his handwriting more erratic, as though he is just trying to come up with anything he can without really thinking it through. How would the rest of their friends take it? Sure, Butters would be more than happy for them, and Kenny would see it as an opportunity to get in Stan's pants, but everybody else? Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Token, Jason, even _Kevin_, how would they take it? Stan has never been one for taking risks he doesn't have to, and that is just way too risky. And not just their friends, _everybody _else. South Park isn't known for being pro-homosexuality. Stan doesn't want to be that kind of an outcast. On and on, the list continues, all the way down the front of the page, finally coming to an end with one short sentence. _I'm afraid._

When the bell rings, Stan hastily closes his notebook, and jumps out of his seat, gathering his things. If he hurries, he can meet up with Kyle during the break before it's over. He is so preoccupied, he doesn't notice when the notebook slides off the top of his stack of books and falls to the floor, and he doesn't hear the voice behind him calling to him to tell him what he dropped.

The owner of the voice shrugs, intending to just catch up with Stan at lunch, and looks down at the notebook. The notebook which holds Stan's most well-guarded secret, which has fallen open to the last page Stan had written on.

... ... ...

Kyle doesn't tell anybody how he feels about Stan, for one reason alone: Sheila Broflovski. Sure, he worries about how Stan would react to hearing that his Super Best Friend in the world is actually attracted to him _that _way. That, after all, isn't something someone hears every day, and of course there's the possibility—probability, really—that Stan's reaction would be less than desirable. Especially since he's dating Wendy, and all. But, Kyle tells himself, it's Stan. He and Stan have been through so much in their lives, and he has enough faith in their friendship to believe that they could get through something like this. And yes, he's thought about Cartman, and all the shit he would be inviting by admitting to having more than platonic feelings for his best friend, he's thought about how homophobic South Park is, and he's thought about that one guy from that redneck town in Kansas who was shot for declaring his love for his boyfriend in a public place. He's thought about all of it, and decided that the chance would be worth it, if it wasn't for his mother.

Anybody who didn't know Kyle's family would just scoff at him and call him a pussy and a mama's boy. And Kyle, being the hotheaded redhead he is, would probably punch them in the face, and then introduce them to Sheila.

She means well, she really does, and he knows that on some level. But on another level, he hates his mother for being so closed-minded and judgemental, and he hates himself for letting her run his life. He hates himself for being so afraid to talk to his mother about the person he truly believes he is that he takes Bebe on double dates with Stan and Wendy, just so he can be near Stan in a romantic setting. He hates how he has to pretend to be attracted to Bebe, and he hates himself even more for willingly putting himself in a position where he has to pretend to be attracted to Bebe. Kyle hasn't really ever liked her, not even just as a person, but she is Wendy's best friend, so whenever the idea of a double date comes up, Bebe is the first girl Wendy ever suggests. And since Kyle is _Stan's _best friend, it just seems to make sense that he ends up escorting the blonde girl to round out the foursome, _every single time_. Including this Wednesday night.

If only his mother wasn't so narrow-minded about everything, Kyle thinks with a sigh as the four of them manage to snag a booth at T.G.I. Friday's. If Sheila had even a shred of tolerance, maybe Kyle wouldn't go through hell every week pretending to be someone he very much is not. Bebe slides closer to him than she has to, in the booth, and Kyle grits his teeth to keep from flinching, instead forcing a smile and putting his arm around her shoulders. It isn't long, though, before Bebe's incessant chattering about absolutely nothing starts giving him a headache and he excuses himself from the table, walking quickly to the bathrooms at the back of the restaurant.

Once inside, he turns on the cold water tap and leans his head against the cool glass of the mirror. He sighs, and, knowing full well how pathetic it is for him to be hiding in a restaurant bathroom, begins muttering quietly to himself.

"You can do this, Kyle. You can do this. All you have to do is get through dinner, and then maybe you can say you don't feel well and skip out on the movie. You can't keep doing this to yourself." He runs his hands under the tap and presses his fingers to his temples. When he speaks again, he voice is shaky. "He has Wendy. He's _dating _Wendy. That obviously means he wants her. Not you. You're just hurting yourself by doing this all the time. Bebe doesn't deserve what you're doing to her either." He pauses, and then: "Jesus Christ, I'm an asshole." He shuts off the tap and grabs a paper towel to dry his hands. Before leaving the bathroom, he sighs one more time and says to the empty room, "Stan would stand up to _his _mom..." With that melodramatic closing statement, Kyle drops the paper towel in the trash can and pushes the door open, making his way back to the table, where he has at least one more hour of pretending to get through.

Except the bathroom, isn't quite as empty as Kyle had thought. The door to the very last stall squeaks open, and a blond head pokes out, watching as the door closes behind the redhead.

... ... ...

Kenny doesn't tell anybody what he knows, especially not Stan and Kyle.

He'd handed Stan the notebook at when he sat down at the lunch table today and pretended not to notice the black-haired boy's face flame bright red as he obviously inwardly spazzed about Kenny possibly finding out his secret. He'd pretended not to notice the looks each of the Super Best Friends gave the other during the meal, and the rest of the school day, and tonight in the restaurant, he keeps his mouth shut as he walks past their booth, not even acknowledging any of the four seated there, on his way to his own two-person table. They don't notice him either.

This, of course, is not normal Kenny behaviour. In any other situation, the blond would happily involve himself in whatever was going on that was causing obvious tension, and within fifteen minutes somehow just know the perfect way to fix it so that everyone would end up happy. But this is different.

It isn't because Stan and Kyle are both guys. Kenny sits down in the seat across from Butters and smiles at the other blond boy, who smiles nervously back. In Kenny's opinion, the town of South Park needs to chill the fuck out about guy/guy couples; you can't control who you fall for, and trying to make laws against love is one of the stupidest fucking things Kenny has ever heard of. It isn't because he doesn't know what to do about Stan and Kyle's situation either, or because Stan is with Wendy and Kyle is, sort of, with Bebe; in fact, he's had a plan, for the better part of three months, for how to get the two Super Best Friends together, Wendy with Token, and Bebe with Jason. He's even thought of a way Kyle could break the news to his mom without her disowning him and sending him away. It's a neat little plan, so neat that if it were a tangible object, it would be a professionally wrapped Christmas present, complete with shiny ribbons and bows. But, just like Christmas presents, this plan won't be put out in the open for at least six months, if everything goes as Kenny hopes it does tonight.

"You ready to order?" Kenny asks Butters, gazing down at the menu in front of him. Butters looks up from his own menu, stuttering and stumbling over an answer, but Kenny isn't even really listening to the words he's saying. Mostly Kenny asked the question to hear Butters' voice. He loves the stutter, it means that Butters is nervous and nervousness means that there's a very good chance he feels the same way that Kenny does. Kenny inhales slowly, as he tries to think of a good way to start, then exhales noisily as he decides to forget the thinking and just wing it. Can't hurt, right?

"I'm going to get that," he declares once Butters has finished speaking. He points to the menu, at a picture of a ridiculously good-looking fettucini alfredo. "It looks amazing. Hey, you wanna go out sometime? "

Butters blinks once, twice, three times, staring at Kenny like he can't believe he just heard what he thought he heard. It takes a few minutes – though to Kenny it seems like hours, his heartbeat pounding loudly in his ears – but eventually, a tiny, tiny hint of a hopeful smile starts tugging at the corners of Butters' mouth. "Y – y'mean - ?" he stutters, biting his lower lip. Kenny nearly faints with excitement.

"I mean," he says with a wide, genuine grin, on the verge of bouncing up and down in his chair.

"G – gosh, Kenny, well, I'd – I'd really like that," Butters says shyly. "B – but, I just, well, I hafta ask..." He glances down at his menu again, and then up into Kenny's eyes. "Why – why me?"

Why him? It's Kenny's turn to stare at Butters like what the other has just said is absolutely absurd. He shakes his head in disbelief, and then begins listing off the reasons why, exactly, he wants to be with Butters more than anyone else in the world. Butters is going to be listening to Kenny talk for a long, long time.

This, right now, is the reason Kenny stays out of Kyle and Stan's situation, the reason he's been pretending not to notice anything going on between them. He could fix things for them if he wanted to, and maybe one day he will, but right now he would much rather spend time with his new boyfriend than worry about anyone else's drama.

Can't fault him for that, right?


End file.
